Picture time

I have been taking an online photography class and so for my assignment this week I had Soph help me out. It was a beautiful day and perfect for pictures. I write this as I hear the wind pretty much blowing my house over.. Anyway Soph took this photoshoot very seriously and pretty soon was telling me how she was going to pose and how she was going to do something "beautiful with her eyes". It was all her idea to lay in that brown brown grass but what do you know, i kinda like it. Sophie is really becoming such a "big" little girl. She has become my little buddy and sometimes I find myself talking to her like she is 25... partly because she acts like she is 25 sometimes.

I was discouraged yesterday because we went to ballet and midway through there class the director decided it might be fun for the parents in the lobby to "drop in" unexpectantly on there class to see the dance that they are working on for the recital. It totally caught Sophie off guard and she just stood there like a deer in headlights and didn't even move. I felt so bad for her because I could tell she was uncomfortable and I was very uncomfortable and it was all just a bad situation. I started to think maybe she didn't even like ballet and that I brought her to a class every week that she didn't even want to be at.. Anyway I asked her why she didn't dance she said with the sweetest little voice you ever did hear, "I was just so exhausted." Poor dear.

Anyway the point of this story is not that she didn't dance, because I know that she loves to dance and while watching dancing on TV she does all the moves perfectly but my point is that I never ever wanna be one of those moms that signs there kids up for all the things that she "should" be doing that are socially acceptable, even though they may not enjoy them at all.. I want to be a mom that embraces there childrens talents even though they may be different than what I imagined...

I got to know a mom through Anne of Green Gables that had put her daughter in ballet and after 2 years noticed that she didn't seem very excited about it so she asked her what she wanted to do and she said she really wanted to play hockey. She signed her up and she loved it and kicked all those little boys butts. Anyway I may be getting a little ahead of myself.. she is only 3 and she really does LOVE ballet and I have noticed a major improvement as far as her gracefulness.. she used to trip over her own 2 feet all day long but she never does anymore.. Point is, I hope that I can give my kids the freedom to express themselves in whatever manner they choose. I was given that privelage when I was growing up and it led to so many wonderful moments on stage that have really helped me become the person I am. I hope that Sophie finds something she really loves and has a passion for, whether it be ballet, hockey or underwater basket weaving. I just love her...

My kind of birdhouse...

Why wouldn't we have a pink birdhouse right? Sophie is convinced that we are going to have a family of robins that will live in our backyard.. We'll see. I think it's a real cute birdhouse.

Spencer informed me that it's actually a "bird feeder".. I choose to believe that there really will be a family of robins that will live in it also.. so in that case it would be a birdhouse. ( a little bit of a crowded birdhouse, but a cute one)

I miss...

It's been almost 4 months.. but I still miss him so much it makes my heart heart thinking about it.

Time does heal, but I still miss him so so much.

I go from being totally content with it to being a total mess or emotions.

I heard a recording of his voice and oh my gosh!!! It was bad.

I watched a music video and it threw me for a MAJOR loop... Kristi saw it and said she felt like the last part was written for me.. It brought back so many feelings and memories.

My heart stops for a minute every time I even hear the word "cancer" especially when I hear someone I know has it..

When I did Anne of Green Gables it killed me to think that he would have been there cheering me on just like every other show I ever did.. he would have been out in the lobby bragging to any and everyone that I was his grand daughter (oh you have no idea.. ).

I miss his humour. He always knew how to make a person laugh.. even if it might have been inappropriate. Ha!

I see my girls getting bigger and learning new cute things and I wish he could tell me how proud he is of them ( I know he is proud of them)

I miss seeing him hold my grandma's hand.

I understand it was his time.... but I really really miss him.

I know he is happy and healthy and with his little Kathleen and I really am so happy for him.

I know I will see him again.

Luckily I KNOW that.

what i have been up to...

After 4 years I got back up on the stage and played the part of Miss Stacy in Anne of Green Gables. It was so much fun.. I have done over 40 plays in my day and have actually done this one twice. Last time around was over 1o years ago and I played the part of Diana Barry. This play (and movie) hold a very special place in my heart. I loved every minute of it and am so happy that I have such a great support system that makes it possible for me to do what I love even after having 2 kids. Between Spence, his parents and my Grandma I always had a babysitter. THANK YOU!!! How awesome are my "puff sleeves"? There is a line that says Miss Stacy's puff sleeves are so big she has to walk through the door sideways.. Not the most flattering look but I guess at one point in time they were fashionable.