Thursday, March 18, 2010

I miss...

It's been almost 4 months.. but I still miss him so much it makes my heart heart thinking about it.

Time does heal, but I still miss him so so much.
I go from being totally content with it to being a total mess or emotions.

I heard a recording of his voice and oh my gosh!!! It was bad.

I watched a music video and it threw me for a MAJOR loop... Kristi saw it and said she felt like the last part was written for me.. It brought back so many feelings and memories.

My heart stops for a minute every time I even hear the word "cancer" especially when I hear someone I know has it..

When I did Anne of Green Gables it killed me to think that he would have been there cheering me on just like every other show I ever did.. he would have been out in the lobby bragging to any and everyone that I was his grand daughter (oh you have no idea.. ).

I miss his humour. He always knew how to make a person laugh.. even if it might have been inappropriate. Ha!

I see my girls getting bigger and learning new cute things and I wish he could tell me how proud he is of them ( I know he is proud of them)

I miss seeing him hold my grandma's hand.

I understand it was his time.... but I really really miss him.

I know he is happy and healthy and with his little Kathleen and I really am so happy for him.

I know I will see him again.
Luckily I KNOW that.


cindy said...

Oh Kels, I can almost say I know exactly how you're feeling. The first while (and that could be weeks, months, or years, it's different for everyone) is so so hard. After my Dad passed away anything I saw reminded me of him and made me so sad that he was gone and I was having a hard time of it. But I remember my birthdad telling me, "It's hard to think of it now but time will heal and the memories that are reminding you of your dad that are making you sad right now, the same memories one day will bring a smile to your face when you think about them." And although it's been nearly seven years, I'm starting to see that he was right. I smile now when I see his pictures and when I think back to different things we used to do or things he would say and it makes my heart warm inside. Hang in there Kels, I'm pretty certain your Grandpa is checking in on you and your little girls and is enjoying all of the neat things you and they are doing, you're too important to him to not to. Take care, Love ya!

Kristyn said...

That music video throws anyone for a major loop. We are so lucky to know this is our temporary home. You will be with you Grandpa again someday. Your family with have an eternity together.
Your post is close to home. I know some of your feelings. My grandpa passed away about 13 years ago. There are times where I still wish he was here to see my girls. I have always wished for him too meet Rustin, I know they will get along so well. They are so similar.
Life moves forward, and time helps to heal the heart. There is always that longing to see them and be with them.
I hope time helps heal your heart, what great memories you have of him. Thanks for sharing. It's a good reminder to love those we have around us, and never take those we love for granted.

They are always watching over us. ALWAYS!!!

Jason and Kamry Low said...


soo sorry about your grandpa. you'll always miss him but it does get easier. (i'm only saying because i lost my grandpa in 2006 from cancer). So you wont stop missing him but they're always there and we'll see them again!

kams :)

Lorraine said...

Oh Kelsey, I know how you feel. It does get easier along the way. Your hurt is still so new and fresh. As you grow older you will dwell on all the good things about him. He always made me laugh and his jokes were great. I loved his smile and the way he was with your grandma. When you're missing him think about how lucky you were to have him in your life.

marisajbaines said...

oh. grandpa pack. i miss you. ill never forget...
i was breast feeding parks at a basketball game out in the hall and he walked over to me and said... what are you doing under there... and then laughed.... i SO miss him too so i cant even imagine how much you miss him...
and you are right we are LUCKY!! to know what we know...