Wednesday, April 13, 2011

We did everything we could...

Those words pierced my heart.. This only happens in movies... She is only 71.. I can't lose her yet. I'm not ready. She is healthy. Why did this happen? No no no no NO NO!!!!

I recieved a phone call last night at 6:30. "Kelsey there has been an accident. Get in your car, pick up your sisters and come to Calgary." She's got to be ok. She is so young and healthy.. And we're still sad about losing Gramps a year ago.. Shes for sure going to be ok. She has to be ok!!

As we arrived at the hospital the stars ambulance arrived at the same time. I saw her for a split second as they quickly wheeled her by. Her face. She wasn't going to make it.

As they led us down a long windy hallway and put us in a room called the "Tranquil Room" I really knew that she wasn't going to make it. My grandma. My friend. Sophies best friend. The grandma that I wished was my mom when I was a kid. The grandma that called me every single day just to chat. The grandma that came in for a "sleepover" every other week just cause Sophie needed to see her Grandma Chicken.  The grandma that when she was near I instantly became a 5 year old little girl and nestled in to her chest and cuddled. The grandma that had the funniest sense of humor that could make me laugh to tears. The grandma that taught me more life lessons than anyone. The grandma that I confided in. The grandma that listened. The grandma that loved me. The grandma that was more than just a grandma. She was one of the most special people in my life.
 
I am so glad that I cuddled on the couch for so long with her the night before . I'm so glad that she came on a trip to Martins Cove with Spence and I and the kids the week before. I am so glad that my kids got to know the most amazing woman in the world. I am so glad she was my grandma!!! I am one of the lucky ones that got a best friend in a Grandma!

There is a bright side that I will go to for a few seconds here and there. She missed my grandpa horribly. She missed her little Kathleen that she hasn't seen for 47 years horribly. She was lonely. We did everything we could to fill the void of her husband but she was excruciatingly lonely for my grandpa.  They are together. She wanted that. That brings me comfort.

But then the overwhelming sadness, madness and heartache kicks in.

So here I am 12 hours later. Sleepless. Tired. Sad. Confused. Sick. Without my grandma. My dear sweet, full of love, giving, gracious, charitable, knowledgeable, perfectly perfect grandma.

But my grandma is happy. Reunited. Perfectly perfect. Where she belongs.
But I will miss her dearly.

20 comments:

Janaya Muise said...

awww kels, I am so, so, sorry! Your grandma sounds like an amazing woman, you wrote about her so eloquently! Thinking & praying for you and your sweet family at this time.

the fellers said...

Oh. My. Gosh. Kelsey! I am SO sorry, I can not even imagine what you must be going through, my thoughts are with you! She will be missed that is for sure, what a greT lady & that you got to spend so much time with her right before us great!!!

Karlene said...

kelsey! i am so heartbroken for you....i sat here and cried hearing your beautiful words. i am so so very sorry.

Victoria said...

We love you guys so much and our hearts are broken for you! But like you said, she is with your grandpa now. That is what you need to focus on even though it will be hard. I love you!! I am here for you with whatever you need.

Kimberlee said...

I am so sorry Kelsey, I could really feel the pain you are going through reading your blog. Honestly I've never cried before reading anyone's blog till now. I am so so sorry about your grandma. How lucky we are to be able to know of the entire plan and exactly where your grandma
Is right now. If your still in Calgary and need anything at all let me know!

Darryl said...

Kels, my heart is breaking for you today. I remember how you and I joked one time about being "grandma girls" and the favourite granddaughter. My grandma and I are like you and Grandma Pack, and when I read your mom's status today I thought of you right away. She was an amazing lady and I'm kind of in shock she has been taken so quickly, but your blog post today described everything beautifully. YOu and your family are in my prayers. Love you guys so much xox

TDean said...

Kelsey, I am so so sorry. I cannot begin to imagine that loss. I was always so envious of the amazing relationship you had with her and I loved her instantly the moment I met her. How wonderful it is that you have a few decades of memories to call on when that missing gets too much. My heart goes out to you and you'll be in my prayers.

jennica said...

This is a heartbraking post. I am so sorry kels! I love your grandma too. She is so special. But I'm glad she isn't lonely anymore. Love you and your family!

Heather said...

Sorry Kels, The Darryl post is me Heath xo

robynatwood said...

So sorry for your loss Kelsey!! It's nice that she is not lonely anymore. You said accident, what kind of accident was she in? I didn't hear. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Julie said...

kels, what a beautiful tribute to your grandma. I too have a one of those relationships and cherish it always. my thoughts and prayers are with you all. what a special lady. Julie olsen-leavitt

cindy said...

Such a heartfelt and beautiful tribute Kelsey, I know how close you were to your grandparents and they definitely leave a tremendous legacy in that of their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. We are so sorry for you and your family and hope you feel comfort in the days/weeks ahead. Love ya,
The Schows

Mark and Hilary said...

So sorry for your loss, Kelsey. What wonderful things to say & feel about your grandma. Write down everything you can so your girls can remember their grandparents!
Lots of love,
~Hilary

Julie Allred said...

Oh Kelsey! I am so sad for you. As soon as I saw her I thought of you and cried. She was such an awesome lady. It is awesome that you have so many great memories and that you soaked up all the grandma time you had. I'm sure she is watching over you and sending all the love she can. You grandparent's would have been so happy to see each other. The reunion with her little girl was probably so special. I know you and you're family are soo close and awesome, what a blessing that will be as you go through this hard time. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Let me know if I can help in anyway.

Love ya, Julie

Crystal HW said...

She is a great woman, Kelsey! Our hearts and prayers and with you and your family.

kyleandtaryn said...

What an amazing tribute to your Grandma. She sounds like a wonderful person and I'm so sorry for your loss. We are so lucky to have the gospel in our lives and to know what we know. You're family is in our prayers!

Christal said...

this made me cry she really is an amazing women fun and always nice! So sorry for your loss all of you. Knowing she is with your grandpa and the plan of salvation makes it a little easier but still so so hard! Your in our prayers {{hugs}}

Mont and Dawna said...

Kelsey, I cried when I heard. And I just cried through this post. Your grandma is one of those grandma's everyone should have, you and your family are so lucky to have her for eternity! One thought that I keep having in regards to her and your Grandpa is just that they couldn't be apart and though tragic and awful and so incredibly painful and sad for those left behind...their relationship had to progress on another realm, together, some how, some way and it must truly have been her time to go. I hope you are doing ok and that through all this you will continue to be comforted.

Melissa said...

Thinking of you and your family, Kelsey. I lost both of my grandparents in the past couple of years as well, and it is such a hard thing to miss them. How lucky we are to have had such amazing, special people in our lives. We'll be remembering your family in our prayers. Love ya!

marisajbaines said...

you put it so pefect kels.... she was so awesome....i wanted to come to her funeral but my 2 lovely children held me back.sorry i wasnt there to celebrate her life.. sending you the biggest hug known to man!