Wednesday, April 20, 2011

How do I feel?

GRATEFUL
-to have 28 years of such wonderful memories with such an amazing person.
-to have had a grandma that was just like a mom to me. I don't think a lot of people are as close to there mom as I was to my grandma. I said at the funeral that I have always felt like I have 2 moms. My mom is the greatest mom in the world.. But I had 2 of them. I was lucky!
-that she didn't have to grow old, have health problems. She died healthy. I know that sooner or later she was going to start to grow old and how lucky for her that she got to skip that.
-that she is with gramps and her little Kathleen
-that I have such an extremely wonderful family that I can lean on for support.
-that she didn't have to suffer for long
-that we could pay tribute to her and it all went as good, if not better than we had hoped. I know she was proud and I could feel her there. I was privelaged enough to share some memories and sing and even though I didn't hold it together as good as I had hoped I know she was proud.
-to be so blessed to have her in my life for eternity

SAD
-that I lost her
-that she didn't get to see my kids grow up
-that she was sad for the last 16 months without gramps and we couldn't fix that sadness
-for everyone else in my family
-that life is going to be really different and empty
-that life just isn't going to be as fun without her
-that I won't be getting my daily phone calls from her
-that she isn't going to be my summer friend again this summer. We spent so much time together last summer and had big plans for this one too. We were going to be the "single ladies club".. no spencer and i are not separating.. he is gone with work a lot. :)
-that I don't have my gram to cuddle with anymore
-that my girls don't have grandma chicken to have sleepovers with, play with, sing with, laugh at and talk too.
-that I feel alone

CONFIDENT
-that I will see her again!!!!
-that she is happy
-that she was proud of me
-that I was a good friend to her
-that she is watching over me
-that I will pattern my life after hers.
-it was her time
-that I will be able to be happy again and someday smile when I think of her instead of cry


Thank you all so much for your love, support and mostly your prayers. We have felt strength in them and I am so extremely grateful and humbled.

We never know what heavenly father has in store for us and even though this was tragic and devastating and I sometimes feel like my heart is broken in two, I agreed to this before coming to earth and I know that through our trials come blessings. I am so grateful for the outpouring of blessings since this happened. I have so much to be thankful for and that's what I will focus on.


My grandma was one of the best! And she is my grandma for eternity. I am so grateful for that!





6 comments:

Julie said...

I love ya Kels!!

Janaya Muise said...

what a beautiful post, I am sure you will follow in her footsteps, sad that I never got to meet this wonderful lady that you illustrated so well. Thinking of you and you are in our prayers Kels!

Carrie said...

I've been thinking about you & Kara, Kels (and the rest of your family)and I'm glad to be able to read about a few of the things you are feeling. You have such a great attittude, and are a great example. Love ya!

TDean said...

beautiful writing, Kels. See you in a couple days.

Candace said...

I love all the pictures. She seems like such a fun person to be around. That is great that you have so many cute pictures of your kids with her, for memories.

CMortenson said...

what a wonderful tribute to your gramma! love ya kels!